well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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