Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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