So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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