Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
