I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
