if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
did i walk over a car last night?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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