Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
