1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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