Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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