Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't watch enough power rangers
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize