eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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