so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You are a genius and a whore.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
