It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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