ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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