i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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