I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
