you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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