My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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