I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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