theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
