Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
