I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
