we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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