Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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