cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it's like iHOP with fire
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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