Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
