My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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