Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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