dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
