grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This house was built for laser tag.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
