I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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