Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
