he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
