The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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