I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
