they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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