Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
