i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
