Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I want her autograph on my taint
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
