Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize