too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
