Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
