I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
