Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
