I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
