What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
