Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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