Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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