he shaved USA in his pubs
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
