make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
