the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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