mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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