i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
