My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
love makes seman taste better
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
