I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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