you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
