I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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