can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I need moral support for this bender
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
