we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
