is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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