i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
