So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
