What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
