she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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