If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
