Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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