Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
