No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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